I, for one, will have a FANTASTIC Valentine's Day thankyouverymuch

The Twist n' Shout is a pretty sophisticated toy. It's certainly the first programmable one that I've ever dealt with. What is a programmable toy you ask? Allow me to elucidate you. This vibrator has a clitoral stimulator, a rotating option, and a vibrating shaft, all of which can be operated independently. These features each have different options for speed and pattern, which, in turn, you can set up for as long as 10 minutes of pre-programmed fun. I'll tell you right now, I'm not positive I'm smart enough for all of that. I've tried a few times to use the programming feature, mainly because I feel like I ought to, what with reviewing it and all.
But you know what?
If I have the time and inclination to get naked with myself, I'm really not likely to spend that time programming, yknow? I'm sure this is a great feature for some, but I'm not known for being patient. I want results. I want them now.


Luckily, the Twist n' Shout has FAR more to offer than that. The shaft is shaped in a series of bulbous ridges, ending with a larger bulb, which vibrates. This wider bulb creates girth in exactly the right place without feeling too big throughout.
All of the vibrating/moving aspects of this toy are extremely powerful, and I'm a fan of power, especially where it counts.
The clitoral stimulator, for scientific reasons I cannot pretend to understand, is my favorite, well, ever. I'm old enough that I've masturbated a fair amount by this point in my life, and the problem I have with playing with myself is that while I can absolutely get my rocks off in no time flat, I can never seem to achieve the lasting orgasms that I get with sex.
Well, dear reader, I can honestly tell you that I think with the Twist n' Shout, I've solved that problem. With this toy I've managed the longest orgasm on my own, well, ever.


Downsides are, first, that all those buttons can be sort of tricky to deal with when your mind is on, um, other things (I suppose this would be the advantage of the programming, which I may yet revisit). Second, it's a loud toy. I mean, not so loud that you're neighbors are gonna be banging on your door telling you to quit that racket, but loud enough that if you have roommates? They'll totally be on to what you're up to.

Get your own at Eden Fantasys, they really are great, real, non-creepy people.